EJ: Welcome, Cyclops. It's great to have this opportunity of —
Cyclops: Oh get on with it.
EJ: Going back to the beginning, how did you manage to persuade the editor of Private Eye to take you on as the magazine’s crossword setter?
C: Ah! The tale about claiming to be a stalwart setter with the Guardian etc., though quite unpublished by any of the national papers at the time? I’m not repeating that old myth.
EJ: Well, we did rather talk up our role as a reserve setter on the Guardian’s list.
C: Not the same thing at all, old boy. And you surely don’t think he fell for that? As an editor, he’d know that being on a publication’s “reserve list” amounts to **** all [edited by EJ]. Anyhow, less of the “we” – I hadn’t come into being at that point, it was just you, mate. So I think you should be the one to tell readers about that so-called sales pitch.
EJ: Hmm, that takes me back. Getting that phone call from the Eye office: “Ian Hislop wants to talk to you about your crossword suggestion ... putting you through”. This is it: he’s obviously keen. Now, the thing is to forget his celebrity status. Treat him like any other editor and negotiate the best possible fee, and a full page spread, of course ...
C: But you didn’t get a chance to deploy your ‘negotiating skills’, did you, because after keeping you hanging on for ages, the office person came back with: ”Ian says sorry, something urgent has come up and he can’t talk to you after all”. Which put you in your rightful place!
EJ: Well, I assumed he’d just been served with another writ, or something. Anyhow, they went on to say he’d asked for a pilot puzzle ...
C: ... on a ‘no like, no fee’ basis.
EJ: Well I wouldn’t put it quite like that. Suffice to say, I was greatly encouraged, as I could now get on with what I knew I was good at: making crosswords. And I was going to make sure this vital first one for the Eye would be a cracker!
C: Oh dearie me! How grand we sound! You’ve clearly forgotten that ten seconds after putting the phone down, sheer terror set in. Pacing up and down, mind racing with the enormity of what you’d let yourself in for. Their seven-day deadline (you’d been oh so confident of meeting) suddenly a sword of Damocles. Not one even half-good idea for the bloody crossword. Let’s face it, you were a gibbering wreck.
EJ: Well, yes, I experienced some self-doubt – but so do many other creative people. Isn’t it almost a precondition for producing worthwhile work?
C: Do me a favour.
EJ: Look, I started on the puzzle almost immediately. It wasn’t long before I had some promising grid entry ideas ...
C: Yes, ideas only - and then a complete halt, as you stared at the acres of white squares like a scared rabbit. That’s when yours truly emerged from the womb, so to speak, to take charge of the situation.
EJ: Ah, the birth of Cyclops!
C: Except that’s not the pseudonym you chose at the time, is it?
EJ: Don’t start on that again. What was so bad, anyway, with calling you ‘Cr—
C: Returning quickly to the subject, if I hadn’t stepped in to get you off the hook, you’d never have got that pilot off to Ian Hislop. And I had to perform a similar rescue act shortly after, when he came back with his verdict.
EJ: Oh yes, that return phone call – this time to my place of work, actually (I still worked for BT then). He said he liked the puzzle, especially the main entry ...
C: Thanks to me, of course. A killer entry and a clincher of a clue, if I say so myself. It was based on a topic featured in almost every issue of Private Eye around that time: [solution hidden by EJ - to see, move mouse over space to the right] MATRIX CHURCHILL . The clue was:
'Mother Teresa's first meeting with trouser-dropper, Winnie – they rolled out the barrel (6,9)
[EJ: explanation (hidden) is below:
MA/T/(Brian)RIX (Winnie)CHURCHILL [Matrix Churchill is a UK company who supplied 'Supergun' parts (hence "rolled out the barrel") to Saddam Hussein – see the 'Arms-to-Iraq' Wiki article, etc. Also, solvers were meant to think of Winnie Mandela.]
EJ: My very first Private Eye clue ever!
C: My clue – and if it hadn’t been for that, I'm sure you’d never have heard from the magazine again. As it was, you’d almost blown it by cleaning up some of my clues before submitting the pilot. You’d managed to higher the whole tone of the puzzle, which was hardly an inspired strategy with the Eye! How did Ian Hislop describe your cleaned up clues? Oh yes, "too Daily Telegraphish" – I could have died.
EJ: I have to agree with you there: most embarrassing. He asked me to re-do several clues and ring back with them before the mag. went to press – in thirty minutes time!
C: And, of course, on putting the phone down you immediately went into your scared rabbit act again. Fortunately, by this time, I was getting better at imposing my personality and was able to save the situation.
EJ: I can still remember the last of those revised clues: During sex, pelicans kick out (5) [EXPEL]. I've quite forgotten how I'd clued it originally.
C: Don't worry, I'm sure it was best forgotten.
EJ: So, I rang back and that was it – accepted. Publication would go ahead just as soon as a suitable pseudonym was chosen. I'd given some thought to this already, of course, and was keen on 'Cross Eyes'.
C: Bloody 'Cross Eyes' – a right plonker that would have made me look! When he raised the question of a pseudonym, I had to get you to bite your tongue. Good job, too, because he was able to get in with his own suggestion first. Thus was 'Cyclops' christened, and your pathetic effort well and truly buried.
EJ: So, there you have it: I was to be published in a prestigious magazine and I'd finished the phone call by exchanging pleasantries with its prestigious editor, star of Have I Got News For You. The rest is history, as they say.
C: But you'd forgotten something, hadn't you? Just the small matter of the fee – you know, that key aspect you were going to apply your great negotiating skills to.
EJ: Oh yes – silly me! Too overwhelmed to think about the practicalities. Still, I was pleasantly surprised to receive a decent cheque just over a week later.
But enough of reminiscences: let's move on, shall we?
C: What? You're proposing to extend this pathetic interview? No chance! Piece of advice for you, EJ, first rule of interviewer: BE IN CONTROL! Sorry, mate, I'm doing a John Nott.
EJ: But we've hardly made a start. Look, there's so much more readers of this blog will want to know, like – oh dear, he's gone.
Ah well, maybe I can persuade Cyclops back in the future. Sorry it's a short blog this time. I'll try and add a short piece later, so do have a look back if you want to. In fact the first 'addendum' is below.
Wordplay in song lyrics
Stephen Sondheim’s playfulness with words is a hallmark of his lyrics and it’s no surprise he’s a cryptic crossword fan – indeed has produced cryptic crosswords for the New Yorker. His musicals are strongly laced with humorous wordplay, even in that very dark work, Sweeney Todd. The following extracts are from ‘A Little Priest’, in which Mrs Lovett first floats the idea of personalizing, you might say, the contents of her pies. As she and Sweeney warm to the idea, they imagine what sort of pie fillings people from different walks of life would make.
“...
MRS LOVETT: Here we are, now! Hot out of the oven!
SWEENEY TODD: What is that?
MRS L: It's priest. Have a little priest.
S T : Is it really good
MRS L: Sir, it's too good, at least!
Then again, they don’t commit sins of the flesh. So, it’s pretty fresh.
S T : Awful lot of fat.
MRS L : Only where it’s sat.
”
And later:
“S T : What is that?
MRS L :
It’s fop. Finest in the shop.
And we have some shepherd's pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top!
And I’ve just begun ...
Here's the politician, so oily
It's served with a doily,
Have one!"
Of course, you have to hear these lyrics and see the performance to get the best from them – there are plenty of clips on youtube. I intend to add examples from other lyricists later. Maybe one or two suggested by you: let me know if you have an example (fairly short, though, please, and relevant to the theme of wordplay that echoes the pleasure of a good cryptic clue).
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Sept 28, 2012 Introductory blog
Too many crossword blogs already? Maybe, but I think I have something different to bring - I certainly don't mean to duplicate material (of a good standard, in the main) already out there. For one thing, readers will get to discover some aspects of my personal side. I've tended to keep a low profile in the crossword world, rarely attending gatherings and refraining from posting on e.g. the Guardian and Fifteensquared sites, even when tempted to respond to solvers' comments about my puzzles. This blog will enable me to reveal e.g. my approach as a setter and my thoughts on criticism (good and bad) of my work. It's an opportunity to set down views (often going against those held by the majority, I believe) on various aspects of cryptic clues. The pieces will tend to be longer than average, as the aim is to go into topics fairly deeply.
Now, will it get lots of readers? ... er, probably not. So, why am I bothering?
It must be because I'm a frustrated writer. I once had great hopes of writing for TV: with all the arrogance of a modestly-talented novice, I was going to inject new life into television comedy and drama. After my sixth script was returned with the now-familiar rejection slip, I decided crossword setting offered better prospects. I was spurred to go out and really sell myself as a crossword compiler. When I plucked up the courage to offer my services to Private Eye, and was taken on by Ian Hislop, my 'career' took off, leading eventually to that long-cherished dream - a place on the Guardian's setters' team.
The blood sweat and tears put into producing those reiected TV scripts weren't wasted, though. I'd discovered how exhilarating the actual process of writing can be: making a blank page come alive with ideas and images out of one's own head. The pleasure, too, in the craft of honing a sentence or piece of dialogue; of trying to express one's thoughts succinctly and precisely. This lesson can of course, be put to use in my clue writing - but the urge to do 'proper' writing persists. Since the commissioned TV sitcom or the published novel aren't going to happen, here's the blog!
Yes, just a blog, but the same commitment and enthusiasm that went into my scripts will be put into this crossword-related miscellany. I've often found that I don't know what my views on a particular subject really are until I come to write them down. So I hope to surprise myself as well as my readers. I aim to write about things that should genuinely interest my intended audience. There'll be personal stuff but mostly crossword-related - no ego trips or whimsical anecdotes. So, what will I be writing about? Here are some of my intended topics:
My approach to clueing.
My reaction to criticism (good and bad) of my own and other setters' clues.That old 'Ximenean' / 'Libertarian' clues thing.
Why I dislike certain types of clues that are generally highly praised.
'Insensitive' or 'offensive' clues/answers
Random observations on solvers' forums such as on the Guardian Crossword site and Fifteensquared.
How straight definition clues can require the same level of skill to set as Guardian-level cryptic ones..
The debate about solvers resorting to Google and other web resources.
Crossword theme and clue ideas while ballroom dancing.
That's enough to be going on with. I've certainly got myself interested - hope your appetite has been whetted too.
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